Stripper Stilettos
by WritingFromTheSoul
Summary: A certain undercover ops brings two of our favorite agents together. Long oneshot. Raunchy, sexy Tiva! Rated T for content. Read and review, please!


"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Ziva cried, disgusted.

"What, Zi? It's not that bad!" Tony cried.

"Says you! You're not the one who has to dress up as a stripper!"

"You're not just playing dress up, Ziva. You've gotta play the part, too." Gibbs said.

Ziva's jaw dropped. "I'm not doing it. Make Tony a male one or something. I'm not doing it."

"Tony, a male stripper?!" McGee asked, gleeful at the chance to humiliate the Senior Agent."Do it Tony, do it!"

"No, Ziva. Has to be you." Gibbs said. "We need to watch Hammerson's movements. He's gonna get drunk. Tony, you buddy up on him. Ziva, you're gonna get on him and get up in his face. Entice him to talk. Maybe he'll get drunk enough to tell us what we need to hear."

"I'm not enticing." Ziva spat with clear distaste.

"I don't know. Paris, you were pretty enticin-"

She cast a death glare to Tony. "Don't you even bring up Paris right now." She turned to Gibbs, throwing her hands up. "I can't believe this."

"Believe it. This is happening tonight. Meet here at six. Tony, wear your best. You've going in as a, ahem, posing client."

"Sweet!" Tony cried. He got stares from the entire team. "I-I mean-I, um-"

"Tony, we are all aware you are experienced on the stripper scene. That is why you were given this position." Gibbs said, staring at Tony. Tony felt his face go red.

Ziva stormed off, pissed. Why me? Why him? Why this?

* * *

"Ziva, come on, we don't have all ni-"

"I'm trying!" Ziva's indignant voice cried. "These shorts might as well be little patches of fabric for all they cover! And don't even get me started on the top!" She growled from behind the bathroom door.

Tony put his hands up in defeat. "Alright, alright. Down, girl." Tony was dressed in a nice black trench coat, with a white collar button up. His hair was slicked back with something, and he wore a fake Rolex. He was playing the part of millionaire playboy.

"Ziva, come on!" Gibbs cried, tapping his foot.

"Fine." She walked out, and everyone's jaw dropped to the floor. Ziva wore a short, lacy black top that exposed her stomach, and jean shorts that were barely four-inch scraps of fabric. She had three-inch stilettos on, and thick black lashes and purple lipstick (Abby had to help.) Her ears had large, silver hoops in them.

"This is awful. I can see why these-" She paused. "women get paid so much to do this."

"Alright. Looking the part, Zi, now get into it. Bring out your inner slut." Gibbs said, striding into the elevator.

"What if I don't have one?"

"Borrow Tony's." He replied simply

"Hey!" Tony cried.

"Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Yes?"

"Are these supposed to ride up into my crotch?" She asked, grimacing as she tried to adjust them.

"Yes, Ziva- that's the point of them." He sighed. "They're not designed for your comfortability."

"Fine. Can't wait until this is over." She snorted.

"Now." Gibbs said. Tony stepped out of the car. He flashed his ID to the doorman, who let him in with a wink.

He walked in, and it was Teenage Horny Boy Heaven. Ladies, ladies, ladies everywhere, wearing the skimpiest little outfits and clearly showed off their, ahem, best areas. Some were carrying beers, others sliding up and down poles, some sliding up and down men. He smiled at a pair of twins that walked past him. He looked around, and found Ziva, who was easy to spot with her sour face and utter refusal to be anywhere near the men. He looked around, and spotted Frank Hammerson, who had a blonde beauty shaking it in front of him. He also had a half-empty bottle of Grey Goose next to him and a drunk smile.

"Hey, Hammerson?" Tony called out.

He turned. "How you know my name?" He slurred.

"Lucky guess." Tony flashed that award-winning smile. "Listen, I know this joint. I can get you a more experienced girl. No offense, bunny." He smiled at the blond. She, however, threw him a dirty look, and walked off, hips swaying and mouth spurting off cuss words.

"Better be a good one. She was getting me good. So, what's your name?"

"Colby. Colby Fairen. Yours?"

Hammerson laughed drunkenly. "Thought ya knew it, Col-beeeeee. It's Frank."

"Frank. Well, l know a smoking brunette beauty." He whistled loudly. "Yo, Zivaleire, your favorite client is back!"

Ziva, on the other side of the club, winced at her stripper name. She shook her head, and centered herself.

Okay. Slutty, slutty..._slutty_.

She sashayed over, deliberately swaying her hips in a sexy fashion that she drew more than a few stares. She walked over to them, and pinched Tony's cheek.

"Colby, baby. My favorite client." She said, with a white-lie smile. "Who's your friend?"

"Frank Hammerson." He laughed. "Come on, baby, hit him up."

She studied him. "He a good tipper?" She asked, delaying the dance.

"The best." Tony said, urging her forward.

She inwardly sighed. _Face up, Zi._

She walked in front of him, and started swaying herself to the music. Hammerson sat back, and smiled.

"Damn, you're sexy." Hammerson slurred. "Keep going, baby, I got a hundred in my pocket with your name on it."

Ziva felt like punching him in face. She also felt like taking out her gun and shooting Tony for the retarded grin on his face.

_Shit,_ she remembered. She hadn't taken it, because, if she had, she would have to had stuffed in her panties, and the idea of accidentally shooting herself in the crotch did not quite entertain her.

As Ziva continued to dance, Tony sat back in the chair and, as much as it pained him to say it, enjoyed himself. She was so sexy. Her long, copper-brown hair, the perfect curves of her body, and her swaying in such a tempting fashion. He involuntarily licked his dry lips.

Suddenly, he was aware of the tightening in his pants.

_Oh my god, Tony. No!_

However, that little demonic part of him laughed slyly.

_Isn't she just so sexy? Don't pretend, Tony. I know you can't hold it. Let her have it. Reward __yourself._

Suddenly, Hammerson startled Tony- he rested his hands on her waist. She jumped a little.

_NO!_ She felt like punching him. But this was her job. She kept going, and gave Hammerson a sly smile.

"Hold up, big boy, I'm not even close to getting done." Ziva said, a seductive wink following. She kept swaying her hips, brushing him so often.

Then, Hammerson did the absolute unthinkable-he crashed his nasty, vodka-stinking mouth on Ziva's, grabbing her arms and holding them behind her back. Her eyes widened in shock and horror.

Suddenly, Tony found himself on his feet, and his fist hurtling towards Hammerson's face. It connected his jaw, and Hammerson buckled, blood dripping down onto his expensive white button-up. He picked up the two way radio on his belt. "Gibbs? Tony here. This is definitely the scumbag." Suddenly, he grabbed Ziva's arm, and they marched out of the club, with many dirty looks following them. Tony suddenly became aware of pounding feet behind him, and he broke into a run, trailing a bewildered Ziva with him. Tony threw open his car door, and jumped in the driver's seat. Ziva, still in shock, stood outside the car.

"C'mon, Ziva, I don't wanna get chased down by club security!" Tony cried.

"But-but-"

"I'll take you to your place to change, c'mon, let's GO!" Tony cried as he saw two burly guys with the words SECURITY printed on their shirt emerge from the club door, looking around. Ziva jumped in the front seat, slamming the door behind her. Tony backed up, and whipped around onto the street. His tires screeched as they got their grip on the black asphalt. They drove in silence, Ziva refusing to speak a word. She curled up on the seat, cold in the skimpy outfit. Tony steadied the wheel with his knees and slipped off his expensive trench and handed it to Ziva, who nodded silently. She was still in shock that Hammerson had the nerve to just touch a woman like that, like he owned her. She shivered again as she thought of the awful things he would've done had Tony not intervened.

Suddenly, Tony's phone rang. he flipped it open.

"DiNozzo."

"Tony, what the hell was that?!" Gibbs cursed into the phone. Tony grimaced and held the phone away from his ear.

"Sorry boss."

"You blew our cover! Thank god we caught him beforehand, but you BLEW IT!"

"The safety and security of another agent was compromised." Tony said with gritted teeth into the speaker. "I wasn't about to let that bastard pretend he owned her."

Gibbs was silent. "I see. Just don't do it again. Call in backup, diNozzo, I just didn't want you getting the shit beaten out of you. Where are you headed now?"

"My place. I can't move in these scraps of fabric." Ziva called over from her seat, refusing to take her eyes off the window.

"Okay. See you two in the morning." Suddenly, Tony heard snickering in the background. "Can it McGee, I've seen you and Abby trying to sneak into work together." The snickering stopped. Tony held his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from laughing. Without missing a beat, Gibbs said "Shut up, Tony." The line went dead.

Ziva quietly opened the door to her small apartment. "Keep quiet, my neighbors aren't very kind."

Tony nodded, and tiptoed in after her. Ziva threw her things on the couch. "Stay out here, I'm getting out of this denim thong." Ziva, looking down in clear distaste. Tony laughed, and plopped down on the couch, and flipped on the TV. Finally, he allowed his mind to wander what had happened in that club.

_She's your PARTNER for christ's sakes, Tony! You CANNOT-_

But I did!

_So she's hot. You cannot, I repeat CANNOT screw your coworker! Rule 12!_

Rules were made to be broken!

Tony shook his head, trying to stop the devils and angels on his shoulders from arguing. Ziva emerged, in a baggy t-shirt and baggy PJ bottoms.

"Much better." she noted.

Contrary to Tony's hopes, this wasn't less flattering- if anything, she was sexier in the baggy t-shirt and the plaid, long, flared bottoms. He stood up, and walked towards her, now driven by his own instincts. Ziva's eyes met his, and both were full of fire. Suddenly, their lips crashed on each others with a wild passion. Tongues twisted with each other, battling for dominance. They both fell onto the couch, where they came for air. Ziva, panting, managed, "I didn't know I turned you on this much..." she murmured, laughing. Tony grinned, and ripped off his shirt.

* * *

McGee walked up the stairs to Ziva's place. Tony had his coat, and he really wanted it back. Also, he couldn't resist the urge to see if they had...done it. He knocked, to no answer. He tried the doorknob. Unlocked. he opened the door, then jumped back, covering his eyes, which had just been filled with something he prayed he'd never see.

"OH MY GOD!" McGee cried out. "I-HOLY SHIT GUYS-"

"McChastity, there's this new fad. It's called KNOCKING!" Tony cried, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his midsection. Ziva, growling, wrapped one around her too.

"What the hell, McGee!" Ziva agreed. "Why would you do that?!"

"I needed my coat back!" McGee cried defensively. They both gave him serious looks.

"Fine. I wanted to see whether Tony would give in. Abby owes me $20!" he shouted gleefully, running down the stairs.

Ziva turned disbelievingly to Tony. "They bet MONEY on whether we would have SEX!"

"I'm aware of that." Tony, however, gave a small smile. "I'm glad mcGee won."

Ziva laughed, and took the towel off of her, and whacked him with it once be. "I need to take a shower." She started walking down the hallway, before she turned back.

"Aren't you coming?"

"Awww, hell yeah!"

* * *

**I have been watching way too much Grey's Anatomy.**

**Oh well. The damage is done.**

**Read, review! Thanks!**

**-Vi**


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